I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Green mimosas i think yes
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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