And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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