At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
