You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
