forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
