Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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