peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
