I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How external is "for external use only"?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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