Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
