i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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