you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
