I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize