I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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