I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
People with herpes should wear stickers.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
