someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
