More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
