There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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