I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
