I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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