Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
