So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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