i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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