how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
