Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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