I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
