i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize