I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
