It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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