So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was not drunk enough for that final.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
