Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
