mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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