If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
