her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
