I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
