I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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