Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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