why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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