dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
