im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
