I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
