Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
