so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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