Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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