Moan for me like Helen Keller
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
