she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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