that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
