He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
