The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
