He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
two words...techno handjob
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
