Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
