Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
