i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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