I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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