Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
