we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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