So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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