So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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