dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
