I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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