their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
