If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
