doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
